Interpretaion "special post"

In the course of life, each and every single man and woman faces grief. Someone does not have to die for someone to grieve. Grief can involve losing a best friend, failing a test, or even going bankrupt. To be quite honest, when someone is hurting, these words will rarely come out of our mouths; “Well this isn’t too bad, there are always people in starving countries that are worse off than I.” Relatively, on the other hand, lament souls tend to focus on themselves using phrases and sayings like “Why is this happening to me?” “I don’t deserve this!” Yet, property, as well as values, can be restored, but a life cannot be restored. Therefore, it could be argued that the greatest personal grief to be experienced in life is death of loved ones.  Grief Observed, written by C.S. Lewis would agree. A Grief Observed is a collection of C. S. Lewis’s reflections on the experience of bereavement following the death of his wife, Joy Gresham, in 1960. The book is put togther from the four notebooks which Lewis used to vent and explore his grief. He illustrates the everyday trials of his life without Joy and explores fundamental questions of faith. A big part of Lewis’s life was taken away when his other half died. According to the information in the bible, when a man and woman are united in marriage they become “one flesh.” If one of the individuals making up that “one flesh” were to die, then in it should seen that half of the married person will be harmed. Therefore one could argue that the married person who was yet still alive is actually dead. Immediately, Lewis began to “lose it”, so to speak, retreating from other people, which is very typical for a bereaved person who is mourning the loss of a loved. Lewis, like many who have lost a loved one, turned away from others, hiding from everyone and everything, yet at the same time screaming on the inside for someone to comfort him. Lewis knew that he needed some extra comfort, but would rather feel sorry for himself than get up to find a support. Lewis compares himself to the image of the “dog-tired” man who, on a cold night, desires an extra blanket yet would “rather lie there shivering than get up and find one” (page 4). Eventually, Lewis’ excuse against seeking solace turns from laziness to fear.

What chokes every prayer and every hope is the memory of all the prayers H. and I offered and all the false hope we had. Not hope raised merely by our own wishful thinking, hopes encouraged, even forced upon us, by false diagnosis, by x-ray photographs, by strange remissions, by one temporary recovery that might have ranked as a miracle. Step by step we were ‘led up the garden path.’ Time after time, when He seemed most gracious He was really preparing the next torture.” (page 30) To be quite honest, I have to re-read all of Lewis’s works because he is such a complex writer. This has to be one of my favorite quotes in the entire book. I can admit that I am a very slow reader, but when I first read this part of the book I did not understand what Lewis was fully trying to say. I always knew C.S Lewis to be an awesome writer and man of God, so I didn’t want to really believe what he was saying about God. I then had to realize that every single person not his entire earth has to go through some sort of grief when they are going through a tough situation, because as humans we are built off of our emotions. When I finally realized that Lewis is human just as we are I could connect more and more to this passage and what is was portraying. Time after time Lewis and his wife Joy would pray to God and ask Him for healing. When Joy seemed to be alright everything was great, but then she became sick again and died. Lewis began to feel such a betrayal from God wondering why He would take the love of His life away from Him. We all question God, but we don’t merely question Him we yell in anger and bitter emotion to God, which made me realize something. How does God feel when we lose our faith? How does He feel when we have anger and animosity towards Him? Can we hurt God by our little feelings? I believe that we can hurt God’s feelings after blaming Him over and over for every little situation, but then we, as Christians, have to sit down and realize that we do not dictate life. We simply just live it according to God’s will. We cannot control anything, only our Creator can. I am not saying that it is bad to pray, all I believe is that if God has a plan then it does not matter what we want or what we do, it is still going to be fulfilled no matter how we feel or will feel about it.

This story was about C.S Lewis grieving over the loss of his dearly and beloved wife H. I have to say that even though Lewis did not intend for this to be a novel, I believe that it will help people now and in the future when they begin to deal with a loss of a loved one. It is ok to mourn over the loss of someone you love, but it is not ok to blame God for every single thing. Of course we will sometimes in our life, but we shouldn’t do it all the time. I’m sure we don’t blame God when something good happens, so why do we always do it when something bad happens? It’s because we are miserable! We do not understand why our loving God, the One who created and loves us unconditionally, would put us in a situation like this. The bible also says that God will not put anything on us that is too hard to bear. In all, this does mean that He cares whether we want to believe it or not, God cares! Eventually Lewis got a grip on his grieving and began to live life again. Why? Because our Creator knew that he could get through a rough time like this one.

"A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings"

I have to say that this story was quite interesting. A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings has a particular writing style that could be interpreted as "magical realism". This story was so out of the ordinary that I did not even know which parts to believe. The short novel begins with a rainy day. Pelayo and Elisenda are the main characters in the story (husband and wife). Their newborn baby has caught a fever and it had been raining for three days. They then find a very old man that has wings on him that look buzzard wings and they looked half plucked. They have no idea of what this creature could be, but their neighbor walks by and seems to have an idea that this man with wings is an angel. The couple begins to think that the angel is coming to take their very sick baby, so they "locked him up with the hens in the wire chicken coop". The couple then begins to show this disturbing yet interesting man to the rest of the town and they charge people to see the old man with wings. The couple is now very rich and they live in a mansion, while the old man is still living in the coop. While the old man with wings is kept in the cage he begins to get sick and he catches a fever and begins to loose his wings. After this was happening the town encountered a new attraction. This was a young girl that turned into a tarantula because she disobeyed her parents. After this happened Pelayo and Elisenda began to loose their customers. Years past and the old man with wings was very patient in waiting to get ready and feel better then he eventually got his wings back, felt better and left and flew into the sunset.
I think that there could be many different morals in this story as a whole, but one that stuck out to me the most was when the couple received blessings, and yet they still treated the old man like dirt keeping him in the chicken coop. When God gives us blessings do we just sit on them and think that we did it all by ourselves, or do we thank Him and give Him our ten percent like we are supposed to? Blessings can either help you or hinder you and in this case it really hindered the couple/

Helping hands!

Last Wednesday me and a couple of others from class skipped the double credit chapels and went to help at the mental disability facility. I really enjoyed the time at the facility. I really enjoyed making arts and crafts with the people there. It was very exciting and I would love to go there again! We made cards for Thanksgiving and it was a blast! The people there are so friendly and loving. I met this really nice lady that showed me pictures of her grand children and her children, and she had to be one of the sweetest people that I have ever met. I can honestly say that most of the people at the disability place have a very sweet spirit. They are really nice to others and they love God, which really amazed me because we look at them like something is wrong with them, but in all even "regular" people can be pretty intense. I just now understand that God only see's the heart. He does not care what we look like or how He created us because He made us the way we are for a reason, and that reason is to glorify Him. I'm glad that I can finally grasp what God really cares about, and that is our hearts. Our entire lives we try to satisfy other people and try to look a particular way to fit in. Why should that matter? How is that going to help us get into Heaven? Well, it's not! Mentally disabled people do not really have much to worry or even stress about and this is a huge blessing! I would love to spend my life just worrying and doing God's business instead of worrying what I am going to wear tomorrow or what store has the best black Friday sales. We need to get out priorities in order, and fast!

"A Temple of the Holy Ghost"

     When I began to read this story I was a little confused. I didn't know how to interpret anything because the author was throwing names around, after i read over the beginning more and more I began to get a better understanding of what the characters were actually saying and doing. the story began with the author narrating about two girls that called each other Temple One and temple Two. From there I knew instantly that this was going to be a religious text. Although they called each other "temple" they began to laugh and they laughed so hard that they began to turn red and they looked uglier than they looked normally, so I sought to believe that they were not taking any of this seriously. Then the story said that they were wearing "brown convent" uniforms, which probably meant that they attended a private Christian school, which is probably where they heard about the "temple". After I realized that they did know a little bit about God i assumed that they were smart young girls that could afford to go to a private Christian school, but I was totally wrong. The book says that they were fourteen years old, and they were not very "bright" and then it proceeded to say that the reasoning behind them being sent to a convent is because they weren't very smart at all. Then when I read on i saw that they had a younger sister that was smarter than them and instantly I noticed that they could be mentally disabled. i mean they laugh a lot even when a person says something serious and their little sister is smarter than they are. The author also explains that they are not very bright multiple times. i began to notice that the baby sister was very critical and not very understanding of her two older disabled sisters, or anyone for that matter especially the "Church of God" people. She was very mean and harsh and rarely had something nice to say. in the end she noticed how crude she really was and I believe that she wanted all of those negative emotions to wear off when she was in the presence of God.

"Piss Christ"

This is the "piss Christ" a work of art that profeesor Corrigan shouwed in

 class by Andres Serrano.

             When I first saw this in class I was fine with the fact that Jesus was just on the cross, but when professor Corrigan told us what the name of the piece of art was I was really upset. "Piss Christ? Really? Why would someone create a work of crap like this," was my initial reaction. At the beginning of the discussion I was fine with the work of art because It kind of just looked like Jesus on a cross with like fire surrounding Him or maybe the presence of God shining on Him.  When I found out what the name of this was I immediately got extremely offensive. I thought that the author was an atheist and did not like Christianity at all. I believed that the person who drew this has a hard time in believing who Jesus actually is. Then the class began to discuss it, and I gained a better understanding of what this picture actually meant, and it made me realize how God truly feels.
            As humans we tend to want to do things our way, and if we don't get to do it "our way" then we throw a fit like a little 5 year old. And I'm not going to even lie because honestly I have to catch myself sometimes. As I grew up I was the baby girl, and I usually got the things that I wanted, maybe not right when I wanted it, but I usually got it eventually. When it come to God we act the same exact way. When He tells us to do something we should be ecstatic that God Almighty is even talking to us and giving us direction, but all some people think about are themselves and hat they want out of life. When doing so it is sort of like we are "pissing" on Christ. It's like we're saying forget what you say because I want to do it my way. When I gained this revelation I almost wanted to cry because I thought about God's feelings for a brief moment, and how He felt when we disobeyed Him. I mean aren't we supposed to be His children? Because some of us don't eve act like it. In all, don't "piss" on Christ! I know we aren't perfect and God knows that it is impossible for us to be, so just obey Him because I bet that would make Him happy :)

maybe next time..

My entire life I have been around mentally challenged people. For starters my two brothers are challenged, but they are very well off because God has truly blessed them! Just being around them for a long period of time made me think that they were normal because to me and a few others they are normal. They know how to hold a conversation, dial a number, and any other ordinary thing, but in our home I cant see them as anything other than normal. I remember the first time that I met some other mentally challenged people. My brother was in a bowling league for the Special Olympics, and I went to support him. I had no idea that there were people who act that way. I thought that my brothers conditions was how everyone else conditions were as well, but i was totally wrong! I met some people there that just scared me. Not to sound mean or anything but I was only about 14 years old and I had no idea how to act around them. Some of them were really loud, others were really quiet, and some of them just had loud dramatic episodes. I talked to a few of them because they had came up to me and asked me my name, and then one of them hit on me. Mentally handicapped or not my dad took the father role and made me sit down with him. I really love my brothers and yes at times they get on my nerves because they cannot do certain things and I have to do it, but I know in my heart that they truly appreciate all I do for them and I can really tell by the way they love me. I would have loved to have gone to AFI, but I guess there's a next time. This trip probably would have taught me a lot. By all of the stories that I heard I can tell that it really touched and moved people in many different ways. I just know by the things that I've heard about the trip i really want to go whether it's on my own time because I really want to care about something other than myself because that gets so boring. Caring about others is a lot more special than just going through your daily motions.

The Boys Next Door

When I was skimming over the Boys Next Door a couple days before class, I didn't realize that they were mentally handicap. The idea of not knowing that they were handicapped was hilarious to me because I liked their personality, and a lot of people today act the same way. There are some really cool people that are mentally handicapped. My brothers have a disease and they learn a little bit slower than other people. My younger brother is hilarious, and he knows how to manipulate people into getting what they want. My older brother is super smart and once he hears something he can basically retaliate it back to someone else. Especially about the bible. My older brother knows the ins and outs of the bible. I believe that as long as a person is not laughing at the mentally handicapped people and they are laughing with them  then I think that it is fine.

I posted this picture because it reminds me of my brother's. Although I may be upset at times they were always there to cheer me up and I love them and appreciate them for that. This proves that some mentally handicapped people can change other people's lives in ways they cannot imagine. I know that if I ever had a disability I am not sure that I h would have such a positive attitude the way they do. I love them so much!

Tuesday..

     Going outside to just relax is such a wonderful thing, I know for a fact that it relieves so much stress. It's like once you are outside, you start to think about things you normally wouldn't think about. I know that when I am stressed about something (which I was today) I will start to worry about how it will affect me, and how I feel about the situation, and what I am going to do. It's always about me, me ,me and I hate that. Something went wrong with my banking account and I think that my bank just stole 308. dollars from me, and I just got so angry. I couldn't even focus on writing this or even focus on anything else for that matter. It's like the whole world is falling apart when we turn a little issue into a huge situation.
     When I'm outside I see the bigger picture of life. There is much more out there than just me, I, and me in this world and I see that now that I have had time to think about how many people are struggling in this world to even eat. I am truly blessed to be coming to this school and to have a job, but we just take so much for granted! Americans are spoiled whether you want to believe it or not because something bad has to happen to us to feel the way that half the people in this world is feeling right now. When I was outside thinking about this I became so upset with myself because I noticed how wrapped up I can become in my own life. I mean yes 300 dollars is quite a bit to be missing at the moment, but that will eventually fade away when I go to a far more better place. I want to be able to look gaze my eyes upon Heavenly matters instead of earthly matters. I'm not saying that I want to be perfect, but we have to start doing better.
     I could not believe how calm I was after going outside. I didn't even settle the matter with the bank yet, and I will worry about it later. I still cant get over the fact that nature has caused me to think about all of these things and it helped me to notice things about myself that i do not like at all. there is just something about nature. It is so calming, so nurturing and comforting.  Thank you God.

Lake Bonny

      I went to Lake Bonny Park for this field trip, and I stayed there for at least 45 minutes. On saturday morning my best friend and I went to Lake Bonny park and We were just looking at all the bugs, insects, trees, and flowers. I noticed that nature can be really fun! Not only did we have a blast but we realized that it really takes an amazing being to create all of this. In order to do really understand nature one has to go out and experience it for themselves. I used to hate going outside! I was either too hot or too cold, or maybe even a bug was about to bite me. It's not until you realize that we are blessed to even be allowed to walk outside and be able to do the thing that we want to do. I mean yes we still have obligations that we need to do, but some people cant even step outside of their house without worrying about if they will be safe or not. I understand that we take a lot of things for granted, and I especially do. The clean air that we have, the fresh water, the food resources are all a part of nature. At the park we saw some pigs and although they were smelly and nasty, they are still a part of God's creation. I know that I am not the biggest pig fan, but the conditions that they were living in also helped me to realize how blessed we are to live in such great conditions. Our mortgage bill might be sky high, but at least God has blessed us with something that we can call home. As we passed the pigs, we ran into a field of the most interesting looking butterflies. All of them looked different from the other one. We even saw a butterfly that resembled a zebra! Which was super amazing! As I sat in silence I just thought about how blessed I was to be in the situation that I am in. No matter what kind of stress I have I know that I can always go outside to clear my head, and that is what I love most about nature.

Creation.

 

As I rise in the morning, so does the sun in the sky

Nature so unique and wonderful, but who can sit down to care?

Busy lives, no time to waste, can you just sit down and look at His masterpiece

Everything that I once used to adore is now a figment of my imagination

I want to just want to explore!

When will I ever get the time to see the beauty around me?

Perhaps I should start to notice things that are actually around me

Why cant we take the time to view the marvelous works of our Creator

Are we so consumed and wrapped up in our lives that we cant see all the beauty?

This world is so unique, so amazing, how can one not wonder who made this?

The birds, moon, stars, and sky are just a few things we come across everyday

Where did all of this come from?

The beauty of the Grand Canyon is extremely breathtaking

This marvelous sight is worth far more than rubies

Just a moment by the lake gives one hope

Who made all of these marvelous things?

Only someone who cared about our well-being

Nature is a part of our lives and how we live

Without it we would not be able to survive

Only one can create such a beautiful earth to live on

And He is the One who woke you up to see the sun.

Nature

In class on Tuesday, we discussed nature and I distinctly remember this discussion last semester in Comp 2. I think that it is a very interesting idea to say that when you see nature, you can actually see God, and to an extent you really can. When I see a beautiful landscape I think, "who can create such a beautiful thing?" The only answer i can come up with is God. A human cannot make the earth look so naturally beautiful. Yes,. a person can plant something in the ground, but it's not the same as the Grand Canyon. I mean who in the world can make such a beautiful place? Only God can! And to think about how He made all of this is just such an amazing thing because nature is so complex and to know that He made all of this in a week is just so hard to grasp. God has to truly be Almighty and Powerful if He can do all this in a week. I can't even make the most glamorous wedding in a week (and that's such a small thing!)

 This is the picture of the Grand Canyon, which is one of  God's master pieces! It's really unfathomable to know that God created all the trees, the grass, the mountains, seas, rivers, lakes, streams, etc. in just one day! God is just so Amazing! I wish there were another way to describe just how beautiful of a creation He has made!

It can relate...

I was thinking about the activity that we did in class last week and I have to say that I disagree with some of my classmates. I believe that someone can very well use lectio divinia on a regular book and the bible. Of course the bible is more sacred than just any other ordinary book, but we can relate and think about "regular" books with a "Christian" standpoint.
Honestly I had no clue what this exercise was called, but I have heard of the term in first teams. When I read my bible I repeat everything I read, which is basically lectio divinia. Most students usually go over the text and then think about to receive a better understanding and knowledge about a particular text. Again, I am not saying that the Bible and ordinary books are the same, I am just merely trying to prove that you can use the same techniques in different areas to gain a better revelation. I have a question, Can a person read a A Grief Observed once without having to look back and reflect on it? I know that I surely cannot, only because that book is easy yet difficult to grasp all he has to say.
When we read Sonny's Blues and did the exercise I was a little shaky about this, but after a while I started looking at it in a Christian viewpoint. One of the last steps of the activity says to meditate and reflect. When I started to think about how broken Sonny's family was, I began to think about how there are many more families out there today that are suffering with what Sonny had to endure. When I started meditating about this i began to pray for all of the families in the world that come from broken homes because this just touched my heart. Just knowing that you are not loved by anyone is a feeling that I know and I understand, and it feels horrible.
In all, whatever you read and whatever you do you can always relate it back to Christ. If you still don't see where I'm coming from check this verse out Colossians 3:17

The Blues

When I first saw that Sonny's Blues was a million words long I did not want to read it at all, so I started with the first page and it was very interesting. It's hard to know that there are people in the world that have dysfunctional families. If I had a dysfunctional family like in this story I don't think I would be able to handle it. Sonny wasn't the best kid around the block, but he wasn't to blame for all the madness and insanity that occurred in his life.
Not having a mother or fathers love can really put a damper in someones life whether that person wants to believe it or not. Sonny had a really hard life because he did not feel that love from a parent, or even a sibling because he and his brother really did not get along. Sonny found two outlets to let his emotions out. He began with the piano and then started using drugs, I don't think that this is extremely bad for someone who has been through all that he has had to endure. I mean I'm not condoning drugs, but there are many other things that Sonny could have gotten caught up in.
I can relate to Sonny in a lot of areas. My mother died when I was young, I moved in with some family, and at times didn't feel like I was a part of the family or even loved for that matter. I found plenty of outlets. It started with guys, and lead to a little bit of "peer pressure", then guys again. What we fail to realize is that all we need is God because He can provide our every need.
I think that the exercise in class was really good. When the professor was first explaining what we were doing I was a little confused. I did not know how it was going to work in this sort of text, but by the end I was really getting into it. Some people in the class did not like the fact that we were using a text that was not the bible, but I do not think you have to read your bible to hear God's voice. I was moved when I heard how Sonny's life was the last time around and I found myself praying for broken families like this. I prayed that they could find God as an outlet instead of other things that will not make anything better, but just make things worse.

blogging, commenting, midterm

So, yesterday in class everyone turned in their blogging portfolio and then we discussed how we felt about the whole blogging experience in our groups. I failed to realize that the whole portfolio was due, so I just wrote an essay on the questions and I was like smh! Everyone seemed to be doing good or getting better on their blogging, I know I am definitely asking a lot of improvements. I understand what I need to work on more and I would like to spend more time while blogging my posts. I think that I just might start doing them right after class, if I have time. Actually, I just thought about it and I cant, but I will try and do it at night if it does not conflict with anything else.

Our group discussion on Tuesday concluded that the commenting for this class is just so hard to remember! It is such a minute part in this whole project and I know many people that just forget to do them, including me. It's not that I don't want to because I really do like commenting on others pieces, but we just forget. I have just decided to comment more than 3 per week, or I can just do them on Sunday night and get them over with for the entire week.

When we were discussing the midterm in class I was becoming a bit nervous because I don't really remember everything we have read, but I know that our great professor wouldn't give us a super hard test (hopefully). I was not there for one of the classes, so I did not receive one particular handout so I am praying that all the questions aren't on that one. I think in all we were giving professor Corrigan ideas to put on the test by asking him questions, but this is good (in a way) because we know the material that will be covered, which was ALL of it. In all, I hope everyone does very well on this midterm!

Cinderella

“All alone, in my own, little chair”, as I finish singing and proclaiming her favorite Cinderella song. Now why would a small fragile little six year old be singing this song? Especially around Thanksgiving time when she gets a break from her exciting coloring books from school and her recess days. Hi, I’m Abby and I’m pretty much more on the unique side of the family.I am tall and skinny, and everyone says I have cute little red freckles on her face with red hair. While the rest of her family was blonde hair, blue eyes.I have one brother and two gorgeous bigger sisters, which makes Abby the baby child. Therefore Abby was already feeling left out because of the circumstances she was born in, but who knew that six-year-old could feel depressed? When Abby thought things couldn’t get any worse her mother said that she had some great news for her and the rest of the family. So, they all met in the living room with the warm fireplace and the pumpkin scent filling the air, and their mother sat them all down so giddy and overjoyed with excitement. As soon as Theresa (Abby’s mom) was about to jump up and leap for joy again Abby’s sister Janet said “Mom what the heck? Would you just sit down and tell us already? Geez!” Everyone was already pretty excited about Thanksgiving being around the corner because the family always made a trip to Tennessee to visit all of their relatives. As soon as Theresa sat down she told the family that they should be expecting a baby anytime soon. Everyone gasped as if they had just seen someone die right in front of them. Jansen (Abby’s oldest sister) asked her mother when she was planning on telling everyone and their mother just stood there silently because no one was excited except her and Hitler (aka Abby’s father, but we’ll talk about him later).

A couple weeks before Thanksgiving my mother had the baby. I thought all was going to be fine and dandy until no one wanted to play with me anymore. I mean I am the baby. Why don’t I get treated like one anymore? What do I have to do to show people that I am cooler then this 6 pound 12 ounce little baby brat that’s stealing all the attention.Oh the things I would do to get all the attention back on me. I mean the little brat looks like an over sized rat. What’s the big deal about a baby anyways? Besides all of this new drama that is ruining my six year old life I have some exciting news. We’re leaving for Tennessee tomorrow and I’m super excited about seeing people that actually do love me or even care about me, but little did I know I was extremely wrong.
As soon as we arrived in Tennessee I leaped out of the car and greeted all of my favorite relatives, and I smelled the aroma of a fresh baked turkey in the oven calling my name. Besides the wonderful smell I finally felt like I was loved again and it felt great! I haven’t really felt like this since “he” came into the picture. “Where’s the baby,” everyone keeps shouting. I’m right here! They all laughed and pushed me aside and went to greet the 6 pound brat rat. Out of all the places in this world I thought I would be loved more around this time of the year because I am around a lot of family, but I guess when you’re not the baby anymore people don’t care for you or love you as much.So, the trip I was looking forward to with the horseback riding, hay climbing, good cooking, family fun, and people just loving me, but all of this came to a halt, all because of the brat. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am only 6 years old for crying out loud! I am not supposed to be having feelings like this! “In my own little corner in my own little chair I can be whatever I want to be, I began to sing again.” This song just gives me a comfort that when no one else sees me I can act like a princess, a sailor, or even a “silkworm in Japan.”

As a maturing young adult I got used to not being the center of attention all the time, but now the problem was that I wasn’t even an idea in my house anymore. Between my younger toddler fart running around crying and my sister moving out entering her first year in college I wasn’t even on the list of things to do, so I sought out to seek the attention from others. As I grew up more my body started to mature and I looked like a better version (and cleaner) model of Lindsey Lohan. That’s when my dad began to put his foot down on everything. He had to know where I was going, who I was going to be with, what time I’m getting back, just stuff that shouldn’t even matter. Hitler bothered me so much that I started to rebel. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere or do anything, so I was basically locked in the house. When I got to high school I immediately started to get attention from guys and that’s when it all went downhill. My very first boyfriend Todd abused me and I gave him my precious gift and then he took it and stepped all over it like it was nothing special. That broke my heart, but I still wanted the attention no matter what it took. Theresa wasn’t giving it to me and neither was Hitler and I wanted it! So, I went to go seek another guy. Comes to find out I got sought out by one of my dad’s preacher friends, who molested me telling me that all of my pain was going to go away if I just did this one thing with him. To this day I will never step into his church again and my father “Hitler” didn’t even believe me. I was wounded by this situation and I told a friend about it, she invited me to her church and I began to hear the word of God and I just broke down into tears. I didn’t know that anyone could love me this much even when I was sinning and even if I turned my back on Him.

So, for all who is reading this just know that the only person, comfort, and love that you need comes from Jesus Christ. If you’re feeling down and unloved look for Him and He will always be there no matter what. Friends, family, and girlfriends/ boyfriends fade away but God will always and forever stay the same.

I love this class!

So, even though I did not attend class like i should have on Thursday I still love literature. I promise! I can't help but think of all the things that I have learned so far in just one class. It just really amazes me how much a person can learn if they are really engaged into a certain text or a particular novel. This class has taught me so much about myself and what I can do. If a person really wants to learn first they have to put all of their feelings aside because you're not always going to do learn something that you like or want to do. For instance the book of Joel, I thought that this was a weird idea. I mean come on, I know this is a Christian university, but why are we reading the book of Joel in literature class. Don't get me wrong I love the bible, but Joel? I have to say that I skimmed over it a couple times before coming to class. When we the professor asked us to read it in our heads I enjoyed it, I mean it's God's word, but when he asked us to go outside and read it aloud I really started to grasp the understanding of it. Now, I read almost everything out loud because I can understand what i am reading a lot more. The book of Joel also showed me that even the smaller books of the bible that everyone seems to look over is still important. Why you ask? Because it is God's word and everything that He says should have importance in our lives. I always wanted to read the New Testament because it was more "exciting", but now I have learned that the Old Testament can be just as exciting as the New Testament.

feelings...

I was thinking about the book A Grief Observed. This book came into my mind because I just left fire fall (which was amazing by the way) and the speaker was talking about why certain things happen to us. He was saying that we ask God "why?" when we are going through certain situations. Whether it's a mom dying, or you just found out your spouse has cancer. Even the biggest "saint" questions the way God does things, but little do we know it's for our benefit. I know, I know, it's sounds pretty insane. Right? Some people even question if there is a God because we struggle sometimes. I used to be like that until I realized that God wouldn't put anything on me that's too hard to bear. The same goes for C.S Lewis and everyone else. We gain testimonies when we overcome battles/trials, and then we rejoice in the Lord because He was the reason why we overcame our situation.
Going through trials helps us to be strong men and women of God. If we never went through anything, how could we help others? Of course we could always pick up trash around the city, but it's really different when a person is homeless and become wealthy.  They decide to go out and proclaim the word of God because they know He is the reason why they are doing so well. When that person goes out and cleans the city and sees a homeless person they can give their testimony and encourage others. We as humans have to see it to believe it and a testimony is kind of like "well if they can get through that tough situation with God, then I can do it with God as well". So in your trials rejoice because you know that God is going to do great things in your life!

painting reflection...

I wasn't quite sure on how this whole painting exercise would benefit me, but professor Corrigan surprised me again. In the beginning I was nervous because I have no painting or drawing skills in my blood. I did not know where to begin or where to finish. I have to say that overtime I started to express my feelings through the painting rather than try and be as artistic as the next person.

The task was to pick one or a couple of verses out of Joel and then paint on how it makes you feel. At first, I decided that I was going to paint on my favorite verse,  "Then the Lord will be zealous for His land And will have pity on His people." But then I thought about the entire book of Joel and it made me realize just how great God truly is. So as I looked at what the people had to go through; pain, suffering, hurt etc. God was still good in the midst of it all. Which made me realize that even thought I have been through a lot in my life, God has been right there by my side. He promised that He will never leave or forsake us. Therefore, my picture was just about all the struggles and pain that I went through, but now that I endured I am a stronger Christian all because of my Heavenly Father. While I was painting I was very emotional. I almost wanted to cry because of the fact that if God can save me then He can save any person on this entire earth! He is soooo Amazing!!

In conclusion, this exercise made me realize how important it is to actually let your feelings out. Sometimes talking to someone isn't always an option, and I believe that painting can help anyone who wants to let go of some stress or pain. I really enjoyed this activity, I might even go out and buy real paint.

life: my picture

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Class discussion

I'm not one of those students to say that I dislike English because I really don't. I actually like English and I love this class because I learn something new every time I go. Some students can't even say that they learned something for the whole school year, which isn't surprising. I remember in my first semester of college I did not learn any thing. I received good grades, but I did not remember anything that I had learned in any of my previous classes. Professor Corrigan is actually a really great teacher. I like the fact that he doesn’t load us up with book after book. I’m not saying that this class is easy, but we actually have time to think about a text rather than read it, discuss it for a minute, and then move on to another reading. Dwelling on a particular text can help some people to learn how to chop up and dissect a poem or a book. I believe that this teaching method is much better than every other teacher I know. Yesterday in class had to be the most spiritually profound class that I have ever been in. It’s funny to say that because it’s my English class, and not theology or intro to bible. our class had to go outside for 20 minutes and read a passage in the book of Joel aloud. I have to admit that I thought that this was going to be a dumb idea, but it was actually a very good exercise. I learned that when I read in my head, other thoughts can come in and take my focus off of what I am reading, but when I read out loud I am thinking about what I am saying as well as reading it. When I read aloud I am “proclaiming” what I am saying, meaning that I actually believe and mean what I reading and saying.
I was definitely moved by the book of Joel, even though this book in the bible is small and no one ever talks about it. This proves that all of God’s word is important, not just the books of the bible that “everyone” is reading, but the one’s that no one even mentions. Ever single word in the bible is important because it is God’s word.
When Professor Corrigan sent us outside to read for 20 minutes I was just excited that I didn’t have to stay in the classroom anymore, then I began to read. When I read out loud I understood every single thing I was saying and I felt the presence of God. I was not expecting to feel that way at that moment, which is such an amazing thought. We never know when God is going to do a work in us, but we know he can and He will. After this happened Alicia and I started to discuss some of things that hopped of the pages. The passage that struck me the most is Deliverance promised. Just those two words are so comforting and should give anyone peace. Just these two words say that although we may go through a hard and rough time, god will ultimately deliver us because we are His children, and this is a promise. God didn’t say maybe I will deliver you one day, He said I promise deliverance to all that know and love me, and that statement gives so much comfort. I was a worry queen and now I don’t stress as much because I know that I can endure all with God on my side and he will deliver me because that is a promise He has made with me.

Memories

This weekend I was thinking about the whole cemetery field trip. My friends mother passed away and yet she still came to the cemetery with us. I really do not understand how she went when her mom had just died, but I guess different people deal with situations differently than others. I know if my mom had recently died a cemetery is the last place I would want to be. I understand that we are all different, but how could you visit a place where everyone is dead. A gloomy place with no light or anything. She did not even seem sad at all to be there. SHe was actually acting normal.
The other day my friends and I were talking and we were trying to see how to deal with our friends mother dying, It is so difficult to comfort someone who has lost someone very important to them. She loved her mother so much, her mother was like her best friend, and now she is gone. How can someone deal with that? I know if my other mother died right now, I know that I would have a very hard time dealing with that. A Grief Observed showed me that everyone is different and when someone is dealing with a loss you have to give them their space. A person cant heal someone else, only God can. As a friend we can only comfort her and make sure that she is fine, and ask if there is anything we can do. Other than that a person who is dealing with a death is going to have to deal with it themselves and with God of course because He is the only one that can fully heal someone of a previous hurt. In my conclusion, I feel that people can only help someone who is grieving with a loss by only comforting them, and not trying to be their psychologist.

Class Discussions

While in class the professor was asking everyone how they felt about going to the cemetery. At first I just thought that people were going to say that it was really weird and that they never want to do it again, but some people found this experience to be a very eye opening experience. I remember Aubrey saying that she felt some kind of closure on a previous situation, which is great! Then someone said that they were looking at the years on the tomb stones. Some people were old, while others were very young, and at that moment it hit me.

At the cemetery I was trying so hard not to have any kind of emotion towards anything. I almost started to cry when I saw the small caskets sticking out of the ground, but I didn't. I think that now I know why I didn't have any strong emotion about anything when I went to the cemetery. First off I did not know anyone in the grave yard, so I felt kind of rude just going there and walking around by someone else s dead body, but that wasn't the main reason. My mother died when I was very young and I never experienced that traumatic pain from her death. At times I would remember, but then I quickly forget. In my entire life I think that I've only cried 2 or 3 times about my mom. I started to think about how young she was and how young the people were in the cemetery, and it made me think about my life. I can die any day now because no one knows when the time nor day that He will come back. The thought of that made me realize that I didn't want to waste my life anymore. I want someone to remember me as a Christ follower, someone who helped them and cared for them when they need it. I want to forget about the things that I love and cherish and focus on others. I want to do missions, and touch the lives of other people.

Although at the beginning this assignment seemed pointless to me, it actually turned out to be one of my greatest experiences because it made me realize that I need to get my life on the right track.

The Cemetery

I went to Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this fieldtrip, and stayed there for at leat 40 minutes. When I first got there I did not want to be there. I had no emotion for anyone or anything. Then I saw the graves with kids in them and I almost cried. It just proves to show that no one knows when they are going to die. So, we should all live life according to the word of God, and make sure we are following His commands each and everyday. Being on this earth is a privelage from God and now I realize that. I am ready to do whatever He wants me to do so that I may live my life to the Glory of the Lord.

Reflections...

Before knowing the background knowledge of C.S Lewis I just believed that he was grieving the loss of a wife that he had been with for many many years, but they weren't. When Professor Corrigan told the class that Joy (his wife) had been dying of cancer that instantly grabbed my attention. If that's not love then I don't know what is. I do not know many people that would date someone who had cancer. I understand that sounds really bad, but it's the truth. While dating someone with an illness there is always something that is going to worry you about; not knowing whether or not a spouse mat or may not wake up smiling the next morning is not a very pleasant feeling. I'm not even quite sure if I would be comfortable dating someone with an illness. I guess it just depends on how much you love that person. I know for a fact that C.S Lewis loved Joy with his whole heart because even when she was sick and they knew she would pass away very soon he still wanted to marry the love of his life.
Just reflecting on how sincere their love was made me realize that I want a love like that someday. This whole novel is about Lewis grieving about the loss of his wife, and the mere fact that this novel is actually a journal shows how passionate he felt towards Joy. In the beginning of the novel Lewis is questioning God's existence. The fact that Lewis would question God shocked me because he is a Christian, but I failed to realize that everyone is human. Of course everyone is going to ask God  "Why?" "Why me?" Why did this have to happen?" So, I completely understand where Lewis is coming from. When I found out that I was somewhat adopted because my mom died I was a little upset at God because I wanted to know why he wouldn't even let me get a chance to meet her, but I learned that God will not put me through a situation that I cannot conquer. Just the thought that God knows I can endure what may seem difficult for me is such an amazing feeling.

Love shouldn't be too difficult...

Wow. These people really don't know what love is. "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" was a short story about two married couples, Mel, Terri and Nick and Laura, who really don't understand what love is really about. Let's start with Mel. Mel spent five years at seminary school where he learned about spiritual love. You would think that he would know everything there is about loving people, animals, etc., but he is still clueless. He is also divorced and has children, but all he does is give them a check every month. Mel's wife Terri was in a physically abusive marriage that didn't last too long because her ex husband Ed tried to kill her. The other married couple was acting as if they were still on their "honeymoon" stage. Nick is basically the narrator, and his wife Laura would just comment on the conversation every now and then. Terri was jealous of the other couple and is astonished that they are still happy because they have been married for so long (1.5 years).

I just think that it's funny how these particular couples can only talk about their feeling when they are drunk. Mel. who thinks he knows everything about love tries to say that Ed didn't even love Terri. I don't know what you call it, but i sure know you wouldn't call it love". Mel thinks that Ed never loved Terri because he was always abusing her. I believe that some people can love hard, and Ed's love for Terri is a good example. Ed had such a passion for Terri. Even though it wasn't a safe/healthy passion, she still felt loved by him and ultimately she misses that because Mel is not giving that passion that she so desires. In fact there is no passion in any of the couples. In the end the alcohol makes it worse. The couples were trying to cover up their imperfections with gin. When the alcohol was gone they all just sat there in the dark because they realized that their lives are dark and empty, and will always be dark and empty, and they will no longer have the alcohol to cover any of it up.

My literary profile

     Being born and raised as a "pk", my bedtime stories were very different than others. The earliest story that I can recall would have to be a bible story my sister told me. For some odd reason she decided to tell me the story about King Herod (Acts 12:23). Basically, King Herod would not give praise to God, so an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he Herod was eaten alive by worms. I know, it's pretty scary that my twelve year old sister would tell a six year old a bedtime story about someone being eaten alive by worms. A person would think that a six year old little girl would be afraid of that, but I loved it, and I asked her to tell me that story every night for about a year. 
      Currently I am not reading a book, well I was but I'm not quite sure what the name is. Although that may sound strange, I do read my devotional book every single day. I understand that it is so easy to say, that the bible or some kind of other Christian book is so easy to mention, but when it comes down to it my NIV bible and devotional has truly changed the way I look at everything in my life. So, no it's not Shakespeare, but these two books have been the most influential items in my life.
       "Reading is fundamental" used to get on my nerves as a kid who never liked to read, but I now know that reading can broaden a person's knowledge on various things. Without literature people would walk around speaking nonsense, while over a million others would be out of a job. The only way that literature wouldn't be important is when someone is taking a shower or something. Other than that I believe that literature is used everywhere from street signs, to food labels, and even for the caption on the television.

Shantel McGee :)