feelings...

I was thinking about the book A Grief Observed. This book came into my mind because I just left fire fall (which was amazing by the way) and the speaker was talking about why certain things happen to us. He was saying that we ask God "why?" when we are going through certain situations. Whether it's a mom dying, or you just found out your spouse has cancer. Even the biggest "saint" questions the way God does things, but little do we know it's for our benefit. I know, I know, it's sounds pretty insane. Right? Some people even question if there is a God because we struggle sometimes. I used to be like that until I realized that God wouldn't put anything on me that's too hard to bear. The same goes for C.S Lewis and everyone else. We gain testimonies when we overcome battles/trials, and then we rejoice in the Lord because He was the reason why we overcame our situation.
Going through trials helps us to be strong men and women of God. If we never went through anything, how could we help others? Of course we could always pick up trash around the city, but it's really different when a person is homeless and become wealthy.  They decide to go out and proclaim the word of God because they know He is the reason why they are doing so well. When that person goes out and cleans the city and sees a homeless person they can give their testimony and encourage others. We as humans have to see it to believe it and a testimony is kind of like "well if they can get through that tough situation with God, then I can do it with God as well". So in your trials rejoice because you know that God is going to do great things in your life!

painting reflection...

I wasn't quite sure on how this whole painting exercise would benefit me, but professor Corrigan surprised me again. In the beginning I was nervous because I have no painting or drawing skills in my blood. I did not know where to begin or where to finish. I have to say that overtime I started to express my feelings through the painting rather than try and be as artistic as the next person.

The task was to pick one or a couple of verses out of Joel and then paint on how it makes you feel. At first, I decided that I was going to paint on my favorite verse,  "Then the Lord will be zealous for His land And will have pity on His people." But then I thought about the entire book of Joel and it made me realize just how great God truly is. So as I looked at what the people had to go through; pain, suffering, hurt etc. God was still good in the midst of it all. Which made me realize that even thought I have been through a lot in my life, God has been right there by my side. He promised that He will never leave or forsake us. Therefore, my picture was just about all the struggles and pain that I went through, but now that I endured I am a stronger Christian all because of my Heavenly Father. While I was painting I was very emotional. I almost wanted to cry because of the fact that if God can save me then He can save any person on this entire earth! He is soooo Amazing!!

In conclusion, this exercise made me realize how important it is to actually let your feelings out. Sometimes talking to someone isn't always an option, and I believe that painting can help anyone who wants to let go of some stress or pain. I really enjoyed this activity, I might even go out and buy real paint.

life: my picture

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Class discussion

I'm not one of those students to say that I dislike English because I really don't. I actually like English and I love this class because I learn something new every time I go. Some students can't even say that they learned something for the whole school year, which isn't surprising. I remember in my first semester of college I did not learn any thing. I received good grades, but I did not remember anything that I had learned in any of my previous classes. Professor Corrigan is actually a really great teacher. I like the fact that he doesn’t load us up with book after book. I’m not saying that this class is easy, but we actually have time to think about a text rather than read it, discuss it for a minute, and then move on to another reading. Dwelling on a particular text can help some people to learn how to chop up and dissect a poem or a book. I believe that this teaching method is much better than every other teacher I know. Yesterday in class had to be the most spiritually profound class that I have ever been in. It’s funny to say that because it’s my English class, and not theology or intro to bible. our class had to go outside for 20 minutes and read a passage in the book of Joel aloud. I have to admit that I thought that this was going to be a dumb idea, but it was actually a very good exercise. I learned that when I read in my head, other thoughts can come in and take my focus off of what I am reading, but when I read out loud I am thinking about what I am saying as well as reading it. When I read aloud I am “proclaiming” what I am saying, meaning that I actually believe and mean what I reading and saying.
I was definitely moved by the book of Joel, even though this book in the bible is small and no one ever talks about it. This proves that all of God’s word is important, not just the books of the bible that “everyone” is reading, but the one’s that no one even mentions. Ever single word in the bible is important because it is God’s word.
When Professor Corrigan sent us outside to read for 20 minutes I was just excited that I didn’t have to stay in the classroom anymore, then I began to read. When I read out loud I understood every single thing I was saying and I felt the presence of God. I was not expecting to feel that way at that moment, which is such an amazing thought. We never know when God is going to do a work in us, but we know he can and He will. After this happened Alicia and I started to discuss some of things that hopped of the pages. The passage that struck me the most is Deliverance promised. Just those two words are so comforting and should give anyone peace. Just these two words say that although we may go through a hard and rough time, god will ultimately deliver us because we are His children, and this is a promise. God didn’t say maybe I will deliver you one day, He said I promise deliverance to all that know and love me, and that statement gives so much comfort. I was a worry queen and now I don’t stress as much because I know that I can endure all with God on my side and he will deliver me because that is a promise He has made with me.

Memories

This weekend I was thinking about the whole cemetery field trip. My friends mother passed away and yet she still came to the cemetery with us. I really do not understand how she went when her mom had just died, but I guess different people deal with situations differently than others. I know if my mom had recently died a cemetery is the last place I would want to be. I understand that we are all different, but how could you visit a place where everyone is dead. A gloomy place with no light or anything. She did not even seem sad at all to be there. SHe was actually acting normal.
The other day my friends and I were talking and we were trying to see how to deal with our friends mother dying, It is so difficult to comfort someone who has lost someone very important to them. She loved her mother so much, her mother was like her best friend, and now she is gone. How can someone deal with that? I know if my other mother died right now, I know that I would have a very hard time dealing with that. A Grief Observed showed me that everyone is different and when someone is dealing with a loss you have to give them their space. A person cant heal someone else, only God can. As a friend we can only comfort her and make sure that she is fine, and ask if there is anything we can do. Other than that a person who is dealing with a death is going to have to deal with it themselves and with God of course because He is the only one that can fully heal someone of a previous hurt. In my conclusion, I feel that people can only help someone who is grieving with a loss by only comforting them, and not trying to be their psychologist.

Class Discussions

While in class the professor was asking everyone how they felt about going to the cemetery. At first I just thought that people were going to say that it was really weird and that they never want to do it again, but some people found this experience to be a very eye opening experience. I remember Aubrey saying that she felt some kind of closure on a previous situation, which is great! Then someone said that they were looking at the years on the tomb stones. Some people were old, while others were very young, and at that moment it hit me.

At the cemetery I was trying so hard not to have any kind of emotion towards anything. I almost started to cry when I saw the small caskets sticking out of the ground, but I didn't. I think that now I know why I didn't have any strong emotion about anything when I went to the cemetery. First off I did not know anyone in the grave yard, so I felt kind of rude just going there and walking around by someone else s dead body, but that wasn't the main reason. My mother died when I was very young and I never experienced that traumatic pain from her death. At times I would remember, but then I quickly forget. In my entire life I think that I've only cried 2 or 3 times about my mom. I started to think about how young she was and how young the people were in the cemetery, and it made me think about my life. I can die any day now because no one knows when the time nor day that He will come back. The thought of that made me realize that I didn't want to waste my life anymore. I want someone to remember me as a Christ follower, someone who helped them and cared for them when they need it. I want to forget about the things that I love and cherish and focus on others. I want to do missions, and touch the lives of other people.

Although at the beginning this assignment seemed pointless to me, it actually turned out to be one of my greatest experiences because it made me realize that I need to get my life on the right track.

The Cemetery

I went to Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this fieldtrip, and stayed there for at leat 40 minutes. When I first got there I did not want to be there. I had no emotion for anyone or anything. Then I saw the graves with kids in them and I almost cried. It just proves to show that no one knows when they are going to die. So, we should all live life according to the word of God, and make sure we are following His commands each and everyday. Being on this earth is a privelage from God and now I realize that. I am ready to do whatever He wants me to do so that I may live my life to the Glory of the Lord.

Reflections...

Before knowing the background knowledge of C.S Lewis I just believed that he was grieving the loss of a wife that he had been with for many many years, but they weren't. When Professor Corrigan told the class that Joy (his wife) had been dying of cancer that instantly grabbed my attention. If that's not love then I don't know what is. I do not know many people that would date someone who had cancer. I understand that sounds really bad, but it's the truth. While dating someone with an illness there is always something that is going to worry you about; not knowing whether or not a spouse mat or may not wake up smiling the next morning is not a very pleasant feeling. I'm not even quite sure if I would be comfortable dating someone with an illness. I guess it just depends on how much you love that person. I know for a fact that C.S Lewis loved Joy with his whole heart because even when she was sick and they knew she would pass away very soon he still wanted to marry the love of his life.
Just reflecting on how sincere their love was made me realize that I want a love like that someday. This whole novel is about Lewis grieving about the loss of his wife, and the mere fact that this novel is actually a journal shows how passionate he felt towards Joy. In the beginning of the novel Lewis is questioning God's existence. The fact that Lewis would question God shocked me because he is a Christian, but I failed to realize that everyone is human. Of course everyone is going to ask God  "Why?" "Why me?" Why did this have to happen?" So, I completely understand where Lewis is coming from. When I found out that I was somewhat adopted because my mom died I was a little upset at God because I wanted to know why he wouldn't even let me get a chance to meet her, but I learned that God will not put me through a situation that I cannot conquer. Just the thought that God knows I can endure what may seem difficult for me is such an amazing feeling.

Love shouldn't be too difficult...

Wow. These people really don't know what love is. "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" was a short story about two married couples, Mel, Terri and Nick and Laura, who really don't understand what love is really about. Let's start with Mel. Mel spent five years at seminary school where he learned about spiritual love. You would think that he would know everything there is about loving people, animals, etc., but he is still clueless. He is also divorced and has children, but all he does is give them a check every month. Mel's wife Terri was in a physically abusive marriage that didn't last too long because her ex husband Ed tried to kill her. The other married couple was acting as if they were still on their "honeymoon" stage. Nick is basically the narrator, and his wife Laura would just comment on the conversation every now and then. Terri was jealous of the other couple and is astonished that they are still happy because they have been married for so long (1.5 years).

I just think that it's funny how these particular couples can only talk about their feeling when they are drunk. Mel. who thinks he knows everything about love tries to say that Ed didn't even love Terri. I don't know what you call it, but i sure know you wouldn't call it love". Mel thinks that Ed never loved Terri because he was always abusing her. I believe that some people can love hard, and Ed's love for Terri is a good example. Ed had such a passion for Terri. Even though it wasn't a safe/healthy passion, she still felt loved by him and ultimately she misses that because Mel is not giving that passion that she so desires. In fact there is no passion in any of the couples. In the end the alcohol makes it worse. The couples were trying to cover up their imperfections with gin. When the alcohol was gone they all just sat there in the dark because they realized that their lives are dark and empty, and will always be dark and empty, and they will no longer have the alcohol to cover any of it up.